Attic of yesterday

Dr. Donna Mann

What's that old saying, "If you haven't used something in the last five years - throw it away"? I take exception to that remark because some articles or some people that are not foremost in my life still have a very special place in my memory.

For example, yesterday, I went to the attic. Now, this attic is not like most of your attics. For one reason, the boxes haven't been in there very long. Secondly, I still remember what is in most of them because of where they are piled, their colour and their size. A third reason why this attic might be different is because I recently placed many of the containers in a particular place.

If we compared attics, we would of course have some similarities. One of which would be that the items up there are not in demand for daily life and are stored for future use. Again, a parallel might be that there are things up there that will probably be there years from now because I will never have a reason to use them.

However, their importance may not be in their usefulness or daily availability - their importance may be in our looking, our reminiscing, our holding and remembering.

Rummaging in the attic can be a lot of fun. I remember a curtained back room off an upstairs bedroom in the farmhouse in which I grew up. As a child, I loved to go in there and root around. I fondly remember a pack of letters written by my dad to my mom in their courting days. I remember old clothes and feathered hats, aged paper clippings and ancestral wills.

All too often an attic where valuable bits of information, secrets and memories are stored reminds me of precious relationships in the back stages of life. I have sent a Christmas card and letter to a relative for more than twenty years without ever getting a card in return. Does that mean I should discard this relative? I don't think so. If I only nurtured the relationship in order to get returns than it wouldn't be the unique relationship that it is. Is it a normal relationship when there has not been a two-way communication? Perhaps not, but it is a unique relationship in that the envelope has never been returned unopened.

Attics whether between the eaves or hidden within the crevices of our memory are precious, nurturing and challenging. Does something have to be in hand, in view and in use to be valuable? Is it the sentiment we value?

Donna Mann is a grief counsellor at the Meadow's Retreat & Learning Circle, R.R.#2, Holstein, Ontario, N0G 2A0, email - dmann@log.on.ca. She welcomes your responses to "Seasons of Life". Her column will appear monthly in The Chronicle

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